I had every intention of posting weekly . . . especially chapters from the <i>Coping Skills</i>book as a 'tester' - but, as usual, life happens when your busy making other plans.
My estranged Grandfather died and it took him weeks to be interred in his self-aggrandized mausoleum; I spiralled into an emotional whirlpool (i.e., emotionally flushed down the toilet); I had an exciting 2 days of working in the studio for a whopping total of 3 hours; and,
whammy . . .
back to one year ago with pain and general malaise. Perhaps the surgeon did know what he was talking about - 1 year until I am as recovered as I will ever be.
In the meantime . . . I'll just keep stitching my percocet bottles and putting them on display . . .
In theory - this is progress. Right? I mean, it is something. Not much, but something.
This means that in 1 year I have finished, maybe (if we stretch it) 10 pieces??? So much for my legendary productivity and self-discipline.
In the MEAN time . . .
I am working on my PATIENCE.
My LIGHT & LOVE.
I am reading books, playing on a DS Light, playing Beatles on the digital piano, watching every documentary available on Netflix Instant Watch, compiling my Good Reads Library (I am near 900 hundred 'read' books), and being the best mother that I can be from my couch.
For example, I now know that: I can say a few things about the artmaking and parenthood . . . taking care of your own needs - that is just putting the oxygen mask on yourself (as they instruct you in life and death situations in an airplane) before connecting the child . . . if you go out - then no one is there to save the kid.
I am working on some new series (slowly) about how the woman is the womb of the family - even for her husband. All the umbilical cords go from her - and thus connect the man to the child, but through her. She is the keystone, if her foundation isn't strong - it all goes to hell. If she doesn't feed herself - all connected to her will suffer.
A child is born . . . and then we train them to crawl, stand, walk, run . .. away.
There are days I want to run away to a job . . . because the multi-tasking of parenting is crazy. But even as disabled as I am right now - - - I know that me being here - on the couch - allows them to have a center - they revolve around me . . . they boomerang out and then come back home. It feels good to give them what they really need - an ear to hear and an eye to SEE them . . . every second that I can give that undivided and exultant attention - it is more than most mothers give in a lifetime. My kids probably think I am a terrible mother, but I hope - that in the future - as they look back, that they will realize that I SAW them and HEARD them.
This year has taught me so much about myself and life in general - I guess it was necessary, and it is still hanging with me. I don't know if I will ever be back 100 percent physically. But emotionally and spiritually, I feel like I have grown 'backbone' . . . and that, even from my couch "Yes I Can, Have My Cake & Eat It, Too".
So, In the MEAN time - What I have learned is that:
"Yes You Can - Have Your Cake & Eat It, Too" Sher Fick, 2010
1 - I am more than just my title of 'artist'
2 - I still define myself as an artist, even though I cannot artMAKE right now
3 - There is something, somewhere in the near future, that I will find - that 'ah ha' moment when I fully understand the benefit from this STATIC physical state.
Hello, peanut gallery, what PRAY TELL, could that be???
